I’ve never seen a lizard…

I’ve never seen a lizard.
I don’t believe in whales.
The evidence is missing;
they’re both just fairytales.

I doubt that there are monkeys,
and loons must be a joke.
There’s no such thing as pangolins:
they’re just an artichoke.

And zebras — are you kidding?
They’re horses, only fake.
Who thought we’d fall for kangaroos?
And what the f#@!’s a snake?